How to raise a ginger in an anti-red world

 

We live in a dull, banal, colourless world where blondes and brunettes have become the toast of society, the A-list of hair-colours and where red-heads have been banished to nothing more than unimaginative punch-lines for immature jokes. But do not despair, we will see a brighter day (tainted with a ginger hue), where the word “ginger” and “ranger” will be something to be proud of, something  to be boasted about and gloried in. And we need to be ready for this day of nearing revolution. So parents of new born babes laden with flames of glory on their tiny heads, stand up tall and take heed of my top 10 list on how to raise a ginger:

 

10. Along with nappies, Factor 50 sun-cream is the next most vital commodity to be stocked up on

9. South Park and its “Gingers have no soul” mantra must be banned from your series collection

8. Never confuse freckles with pimples

7. On the line of freckles, never tell the children’s classic “How the Leopard got it’s spots”...it will lead to many an awkward question

6. Get rid of all wall-colours that are of the bone, ivory, white, off-white, egg-shell variety...red-head children’s skin tones often get lost with this type of palate

5. Never get angry or frustrated at a red traffic light as this can breed insecurity in your child

4. In the same vein, red cards in rugby and soccer matches are never to be booed or jeered.

3. When they become teenagers, make sure they shave regularly as red stubble can appear as dirt from a distance, causing your child to appear unwashed. (ignore if your ginger is a girl)

2. Live in the confidence that for all the jokes that come their way, if they grow up in a church the amount of prophetic words that come their way will more than make up for it...red-heads are easy prey for visiting prophetic ministries.

1. Did I mention to buy lots of suncream?