“You have many teachers but not many fathers”
I was born in an obscure
Zimbabwean clinic on the 2nd of June 1988. A very normal day, except
for the extraordinary number of times people asked my parents, “Does he come in
blonde or is that red a permanent feature?” Tears flowed, champagne was popped,
photo’s were taken of the new bundle of joy and I was taken home to meet my two
older brothers. A normal day. From that day onwards though, my life has been
anything but normal.
In a world where fathers have
become a source of hilarity in countless sitcoms portrayals of bumbling,
impotent and drop-out heads of homes (think Homer Simpson, Al Bundy etc) and where
the reality around us in most homes in the western world is very similar (bar
the hilarity), I have never lacked incredible father figures in my life. The
trend where fathers influence on society have become as barren as the Protea’s
world cup trophy cabinet due to multiple societal factors, I have seen my 24
(nearly 25 years) of existence play out a very different tune. Blessed with an
amazing, stable home where mom and dad were both present, not just in body but
emotionally, in friendship and most of all spiritually, the lens that I view
the world and my heavenly father is a strongly positive one.
My dad will be the first to admit that he is not perfect, but he has given me an incredible example. Here are four great lessons I've picked up from him.
1.
He
told me he loved me...often
-The most common phrase used by even good dads, is the
one where they say, “ah, he knows I love him”. Don’t presume it is known, suck
up your pride and say it. And say it again. And again.
2. He told my mom
that he loved her...in front of me
- It was very evident that my brothers and I were my
father’s priority, but only after his wife, our mom. Mom was my dad’s pride and
joy. Loving notes left for her with pet-names inscribed on the top were
attached to everything. And my dad honoured her with his words and physical
affection often in front of us. No greater earthly model for what I pray I will
do for my wife.
3. He was present
-My dad doesn’t do sports. He just doesn’t get them. And
yet every Saturday since all 3 of his boys got to school going age, he was on
the side of either a cricket field, a hockey pitch, or a tennis court cheering his three boys on in their various pursuits. Add to
that the fact that we ate together around the dining room table as a family
every night, as well as the countless hours dad invested in his boys doing
projects, running through lines from school-plays, praying with us after
teenage heartbreaks and just the moments of lying together on a couch watching
TV and being in each others company. Dad took being present in our lives as
utmost on his agenda.
4. He loved
Jesus...visibly
- The faith my dad has is not a hidden, private one. It
is one of bold proclamation, loud and demonstrative worship, family prayer and
bible reading, extravagant generosity, an open home to the homeless and early
mornings on his face in our lounge one on one with the Lover of his soul. And I
was watching. Something of his radical devotion to Jesus has fuelled in me a
wild nature where lavish worship on all fronts has become my language. This is
his greatest gift to me. He didn’t force his religion onto his sons. He pointed
to The Father. He showed us what intimacy looked like. And we were watching.
This list is not exhaustive. I could go on and on, but my
tears of gratitude towards my heavenly Dad for giving me the privilege of
having a dad in the calibre of Rowan Phillips have clouded my eyes now.
The world has many teachers, but it has very few fathers.
It's time we put our hands up and model something a little different.
